How Acceptance Helped Me Overcome Hard Times
To overcome any struggle, acceptance is the key. Once you acknowledge that a problem exists, you’re more likely to take steps to address it. Share your struggle to get support from your colleagues.
After the lockdown, the working culture in the tech industry changed significantly. All of a sudden, we had to shift to virtual communication. Some people adapted quickly to this new way of working, while others struggled. I was one of those who developed various fears over time.
After the lockdown, I started feeling anxious when speaking in front of more than two people, even in virtual meetings. I would feel strange, my body temperature would rise, and my mind would be flooded with countless thoughts, making me even more stressed. Most of the time, I didn’t make much sense when speaking during stand-ups or team meetings. I barely managed to get through those moments.
Sometimes, when my manager asked me questions, I couldn’t even understand them because my mind was too occupied with stress. I became even more anxious when I realised I was rambling, which only worsened the situation. My colleagues often stepped in to help by speaking on my behalf. I felt ashamed because I had considerable experience in software development, yet I couldn’t articulate my thoughts. It was painful not to be able to express myself properly. My mind and body felt completely out of sync.
Once, while sharing an update, my manager asked a tough question, but I couldn’t focus. I didn’t understand what he was asking and went blank for a long time, creating an awkward silence. My voice was shaky from the stress, and I had to ask a colleague for help. There were many instances like this, where someone else had to speak for me. To my manager, it seemed like a lack of confidence. He didn’t trust me fully because I couldn’t advocate for myself, even though my work was excellent. The problem was that someone else always had to explain the work I had done.
In the beginning, I was very hard on myself. My mental health deteriorated. I stayed awake all night, replaying those incidents over and over in my mind. I lost confidence and stopped believing in myself.
I wanted to break free from this cycle. I began practicing self-talk to clear my mind. I recorded myself speaking for hours, saying whatever came to mind. I read books and recorded my thoughts, but none of it seemed to help me overcome my fear. Even after these efforts, I couldn’t speak confidently, especially during meetings and scrum demos. I felt frustrated with myself and unable to find a way out. Negative thoughts consumed me, and I started believing I would never regain my old self.
One day, I gathered the courage to ask a colleague for feedback about how I was doing in meetings and demos. He said my struggles seemed normal to him. I opened up about everything I was going through and asked for advice on overcoming my anxiety. He suggested practicing more. Sharing my feelings made me feel incredibly relieved, like shrugging off a heavy load from my shoulders. It motivated me to take the initiative and be vulnerable. After that, I started feeling less anxious during meetings.
A couple of months later, I had a one-on-one with my manager. I shared everything I had been struggling with, including my communication challenges and anxiety about speaking to larger audiences, even within the team. We agreed that he would point out areas for improvement whenever necessary. That conversation also left me feeling much lighter. Over time, my fear began to fade. Slowly, I regained my confidence. My heart still races during meetings, but much less frequently now. While the anxiety hasn’t completely disappeared, I’m in a much better place.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson. It took me two years to overcome this situation, but I realised that acceptance is incredibly powerful and can boost your confidence. To overcome any struggle, acceptance is the key. Once you acknowledge that a problem exists, you’re more likely to take steps to address it. Sharing your challenges with colleagues doesn’t make you less competent; instead, it opens the door to support and solutions.
So, I encourage you to be courageous and share what you’re going through with someone on your team. You might not get help immediately, but it will come eventually. Don’t keep your struggles bottled up—expressing them will make you stronger. Speak up, and don’t be afraid. We are all human, and none of us are flawless.
It’s alright to struggle with something, but it’s not alright to stay stuck on the same thing for too long. When you reflect deeply, you’ll realise that we, as humans, are happiest when we are learning new things. Self-discovery is a profound and rewarding journey for any individual. Keep discovering yourself.